Signs that you may need marriage counseling, by Judy Glickman Zevin.


	Relationship or Marriage Counseling The Warning Signs - How to know when to call for help. - by Judy Glickman Zevin

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Judy Glickman Zevin has been a psychotherapist for over 30 years and is fully certified by the State of California. She serves the communities of Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Irvine, Costa Mesa, Corona del Mar, Newport Coast, Tustin, and Huntington Beach. She has extensive experience working with individuals and couples and families. I have particular expertise and training in the depth work of psychoanalysis.

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One of the things I most like to do is couples or marriage counseling. Many times people wait to come to counseling until they are in crisis and then counseling is a last ditch effort to try to save what they have had together. After all, breaking up a relationship often entails many profound changes that are frightening and overwhelming. And giving up on a relationship can be deeply disappointing.

Sometimes crisis can truly open people up for change they wouldn’t ordinarily consider and this can be a doorway to deeper and more long lasting intimacy and satisfaction. And of course counseling can also be very helpful for couples who are looking for a “tune up.” After all keeping a relationship healthy is much less expensive and much more enjoyable. And the rewards for a satisfying intimate relationship are immeasurable.

I have included below a list of warning signs that might help you determine that it is time either for a “tune up” or a “complete makeover.”

If you find that:

It is hard to speak to your spouse about concerns or dissatisfactions.
You are avoiding your husband or wife.
There is too much unsaid, or too many wounding things said between you.
Simmering resentments are leading to feelings of “falling out of love.”
Your sexual connection is diminishing or is less satisfying.
You begin to question, “Did I ever really love this person?”
Small annoyances are leading to unexpected explosions, distance, or increasing resentments.
You feel victimized, paralyzed or angry much of the time.
You may feel dead and numb inside.
That there is a familiar feeling of being misunderstood, not heard and not valued.
Things between you escalate and suddenly you wonder “what happened?”
You are scared and hurting and terribly disappointed.
You are somehow bored and dissatisfied.

All of these, and more, are signals to call and ask for help. Often, problems feel so deep and overwhelming; it is very hard to reach out. But working through issues, learning to understand how we all make assumptions about what the other means or how they feel can lead to a reconnection and ultimately a deepening of relationship.

Every relationship goes through periods where there needs to be negotiation and this requires risking knowing and saying what you want and need. Sometimes of course, differences are irreconcilable and at that point counseling can help to make your break up less angry and damaging. There is help available to make your way through these difficult times.